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           Telling Someone

Not everyone who is sexually assaulted tells someone – be it a friend, family member, or the police.  Often, if they do disclose their experience, it may be days, weeks, months, or even years later.


There are various reasons why you may not want to disclose you have been sexually assaulted. Click on each of the boxes below to learn more about why someone may not disclose they have been sexually assaulted.​​

  • Shame
    Even though sexual assault is NEVER your fault, you can feel as if something is wrong with you for having experienced it. If you are ashamed of something, you are less likely to share it with others.
  • Fear
    Fear of not being believed, fear of retribution, fear of how others will react to you and treat you, fear of how police will respond, fear of being ostracised, fear of being judged. These are just some of the types of fear that you may feel when thinking about telling someone what you experienced.
  • Uncertainty
    If you have experienced sexual assault, you may not know you have rights. As a result, you are less likely to know what you would be required or not required to do if you disclose that you were a victim. You may not know that you don’t have to report to the police, or that you don’t have to have a rape kit if you don’t want to. You may also be uncertain if what you have experienced is assault. Some people don’t recognize a sexual assault as such until someone else points it out to them.
  • Guilt
    Sometimes when you experience sexual assault you go over the incident in your head again and again, trying to make sense of what happened to you. You may blame yourself, which leads to feelings of guilt. And like shame, when you believe you are guilty of something, it is difficult to tell others about it.
  • Avoidance
    It is not uncommon for you to have experienced sexual assault and want to forget it happened and “move on.” You believe you can do this by not thinking or talking about what happened. Additionally, talking and thinking about a traumatic experience can be painful, thus, is why you may feel like you want to avoid this at all costs.

If someone discloses to you that they were sexually assaulted, please remember all the above reasons they may have faced before finding the courage to talk to you. Respond with compassion, care, and belief. Don’t give unsolicited advice; help them make their own decisions on what, if anything, they want to do next.


If you have been sexually assaulted and are considering telling someone, please know it is never too late and you are not alone.​​

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